They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
