How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
