i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
