the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
