I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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