OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
