I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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