you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
