Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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