Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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