We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
