Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
