I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
