are you still at the devil's house?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
