I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
