So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
