I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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