Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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