If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The uberlube is also flammable
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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