fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
