Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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