all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
