he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
this just has baby written all over it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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