omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
