he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
