I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
