I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
