Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
