i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
