he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
