When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
