I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
