He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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