Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
