Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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