now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
