Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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