those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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