:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
