I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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