Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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