Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pooping to opera.
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