I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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