his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were trust falling into bushes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
