I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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