Christians are straight up FREAKS
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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