Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
