I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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