i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
