As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
