I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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